JTHJ Review- 10 Steps for a successful Bollywood Recipe

In order to make a successful Bollywood movie it’s very important to understand the mindset of the audience. Indian audience are quite lazy and don’t like to use their brains much in a movie. They already have numerous other problems in their lives to think about. So let’s make a movie which is far from reality and take our audience to a dream world. The steps are given below:

1. Pick up a good novel and ask your script-writer to modify it enough so that it looks different. In our case, we are going to pick “The End of the Affair” by Graham Greene. I expect our writer to do this small job nicely, just like Mr Pritam and Mr Anu Malik. They have been twisting the music in a similar fashion. For that purpose we can use simple bollywood tricks like- girl diving in to a lake without any reason, reading someone’s diary and getting emotional, etc etc.

2. Research is a sin in Bollywood. Never ever do it. Not even the basic research like- how can one possibly  become an Army Officer at 28. Don’t worry, as mentioned earlier our audience are not going to think at all.

3. Choosing the star cast is not a tough job. Since we have only 3 stars who can give us 100-200 crores revenue and the fact that SRK has been with us(Yash Raj Productions) for long, let’s go with SRK. As we have chosen SRK, we have to highlight the romance factor in the film.

4. The actresses’ role is anyways not crucial in Bollywood. We will have two actresses in this movie to match SRK’s romance skills. As one of our female character is confused about her decisions, Katrina is a perfect choice. And now as we have Kat, we have to show London and use her elegant accent in the story. Wow! it’s a nice twist in the movie. Anushka comes as a free package with our productions.

5. Do not hesitate to copy scenes from here and there. Let’s pick one scene each from my favorite movies- Rockstar, Kites and Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.

6. The lead character of the film has to have all the qualities. He is a perfect singer, guitarist, dancer, chef, electronics repairer and as our story demands he has to defuse bombs as well. Talking of which, our hero will be able to defuse every bomb no matter which wire he cuts. However we will have at least one scene where the bomb actually blasts, but we have to ensure that its only effect would be to push the heroine in hero’s arms.

7. Since it’s an Indian film, we have to include God also. It’s important to show the power of almighty and his role in carrying the plot. We have Kat as lead actress (and our heroes aren’t religious), we have to go for Sir Jesus. Oh that reminds me, we can use the term Sir Jesus in the movie.

8. Intimate scenes are necessary but we have to present them carefully. A few kissing scenes and couple of instances where the hero and heroine are wrapped naked in a bed-sheet will be sufficient.

9. Make a happy ending and audience will be happy. They will forget all the crap that you have shown before the climax.

10. The film is served with extravagant publicity and hypes. That brings record initial collections. By the way, the film is dedicated to Uday Chopra to give him a lesson about life, which is – If you are a loser today, doesn’t mean you cannot succeed ever.