How many times do we hear – Love is overrated. I feel amused when so many young boys and girls express the agony of their break ups by saying – Love doesn’t exist, Being friends is better than lovers, Relationships suck … and there are many more. On the contrary, I believe it’s the most challenging role. It may sound juvenile, but think about it. We all go through the relationships and often come up with our own version to the relationship theory. Being a lover is a tough job. How tough? Let’s try to figure it out. I am going to present my case by asking three simple questions. Ask yourself, and then decide.
1. How many expectations do you have from other relations? It’s not that bad to have expectations but sooner or later when they grow they start to eat the happiness in it. You expect them(your lover) to be with you, talk to you, take care of you all the time. You expect them to behave decently in public. You expect them to do good things. And very often they meet those expectations. Do you start bitching about your siblings if they don’t call you often? No you don’t right. So why do the same with your lover. Do not rush – Let them breathe. Remember when you are expecting to do something for you, you are changing them from who they really are. One great psychologist had suggested that happiness lies in – freedom to work and freedom to love. Let them have that freedom.
2. How much tolerance do you show with your lovers? The greatest relationship in this world is that of a parent and child. You know the reason? Parents show their tolerance when it is required- when the child acts stupid. Similarly children also accept certain things which they don’t appreciate in their parents. Forgiveness is essential for any relation. But when it comes to lovers, you often miss these aspects. One mistake and you start to jolt the whole world. It’s not a big deal. Take things easy.
3. How good is your Evaluation Process? Judgement is bad, and ironically it can never be justified. It has even more relevance in relationships. Let’s look at it from a different prospective – how managers assess their employees’ performance. They set the targets and give them a reasonable time to work on it. If the employees meet the goals then they get the appreciation and if they don’t, they are called for the meetings and discussions take place. That’s what the great companies do. You know what not so good companies do. The same that not so good people do in relationships. They take decisions based on emotions and ignore the efforts that the other person had put in. Of course, one cannot take emotions out in relationships but taking haste decisions often lead to lifelong regrets.
My point is – being a lover is a tough job. It tests your patience, checks your character and demands persistence. No, I don’t mean you have to hang on with something that you don’t like. But you have to give them the credit that they deserve. That’s all. Case closed.
PS: If you haven’t thanked your lover for doing such a wonderful job, do it now. It’s a small thing but will definitely make them smile.
Deepak Rana 