From Your Old Lover

It’s still a matter of joy to go out for a walk, even though I can barely walk. I need help for the slightest of tasks. Today when I walked in to our café, a young boy had to open the door for me. I was dismayed to see how things had changed. Remember when we started the café, fifty two years back, when I was thirty four and you were thirty three. It was our dream and we worked together to make it come true. We had all the time in this world and we thought we would continue to live forever. But that doesn’t happen. I think you already know that we don’t have much time left now. Sometimes it scares me. That the world won’t exist anymore. But I am fortunate enough to live long enough to see my eighties. And the best thing about my life was – I spent it with you.

Remember the first time we met. You smiled and I smiled back. I was yours the moment I saw you. I knew that it was a special moment, something extraordinary was about to happen. And it did. We happened. I wonder there could be a more beautiful thing in this world. Probably not. But I was skeptic, as I had always been in my earlier life. However, the more time I spent with you, it changed. I changed. All my fears faded away. And then one fine day we got married, though it was a mere formality for both of us. We knew way before that, that we were destined for each other. That marriage was just an excuse for us to be together, as you had once said. You looked gorgeous in the wedding dress. Sometimes when I flip through our wedding pictures, I keep staring at you. How you smiled. It amused me that you were so happy for us.

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Year after year, we loved each other more and more. We made this house a home, our home, where we spent rest of our life together, loving each other. Do you remember one thing that I told you years back? That each moment of my life that I spent without you was waste. I meant it then, I mean it today. When you were not there, I missed you. Even now, when you are making tea for me, I am waiting for you. I know you would call me a mushy lover, as you always do, and I love it. Then you would tease me, and I would tease you back.

I wish when I die, I wake up somewhere else and find you there, lying next to me. Just like I find you every morning. Then you kiss me and tell me that you love me. And I will do the same what I do. I will pull you closer and say – hey beautiful how can I stop loving you. I cannot. It’s just not possible. But wait…

What if I don’t wake up next to you? What if there is no life after death? I do not want to take the chances. So, this time when you read this letter, come and hug me. And then don’t leave, ever. Till my last breath.

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